INsight/ Your Four Drives

Photo by Frank Ching on Unsplash.

Manila, 31 July 2025 — What drive will make you a more whole leader? 

Story 

Maya (not her real name) was always chasing the next big idea for her business. Vision was her fuel: bold goals, future plans, constant innovation. But after her second burnout, she sat in her apartment feeling hollow. During coaching, something cracked open. “I’ve been so focused on building the future, I forgot to be with people in the now,” she said. Maya started slowing down. She joined a women’s circle. She listened more, planned less. In that space of connection, her leadership softened—and deepened.

Jonah was a hard-driving executive, proud of how he owned his life: career success, financial independence, disciplined routines. But when his father fell ill, Jonah felt helpless. Logic didn’t help. Checklists didn’t matter. For the first time, he let himself cry in front of someone—his younger sister. “I realized I’ve been strong for so long, but not kind.” As he sat by his father’s bedside, not fixing but simply being, Jonah felt something awaken: compassion. It didn’t weaken his strength—it made it whole.

Leila was the glue in every group inside and outside her work. Driven by connections and compassion, she gave endlessly—always there for others. But she began feeling invisible, like her own life was on pause. When her coach asked her what her dream was, she couldn’t answer. “I’m more than what others need,” is what she whispered. During coaching, Leila set her first bold goal for a vision. She also started claiming ownership with space for her own choices, and saw her old patterns with fresh eyes. She didn’t abandon connection and compassion—she expanded them into all four drives, finally for herself too.

Challenge

Philosophers have long studied what drives us human beings in our lives. After reviewing research from around the world, Ken Wilber, the author of Integral Theory, has described four basic drives. On a vertical scale, he distinguishes Eros and Agape. The ascending Eros is also known as the upward drive, or vision, creativity, expansion, and evolution. This is a drive toward higher complexity, purpose, realization, and integration, expressing the desire to grow, rise, transcend, express, and create. In the stories, I have called this drive Vision. This evolutionary upward drive is complemented by the descending Agape, or downward drive toward love, compassion, and embrace, expressing the desire to include, hold, heal, unify, serve, and support. I have called this drive Compassion.

On a horizontal scale, Wilber distinguishes Agency and Communion. Agency drives us to autonomy, independence, differentiation, selfhood, will, ownership, and sovereignty, expressing the desire to be a unique, self-directing individual, to define oneself, and to stand alone. We can also describe it as Yang. I have called it Ownership. Communion, on the other hand, is all about connection, relatedness, belonging, participation, and togetherness, expressing the desire to connect, bond, relate, join a community, collaborate, be part of a whole, belong, merge, and be with others in an authentic and accountable manner. In other words, it can be described as Yin. I have called it Connection.

Question

The three stories illustrate how we can encounter situations in our lives where we recognize how much we have been pulled by one or two drives, without a counterbalancing attention to the others. That can lead to burnout and crises. To live and lead in a wholesome way, we need to learn to attend to all four drives. Maya, Jonah, and Leila each made changes in their lives after reflecting on what had driven them. Maya decided to balance Vision with Connection. Jonah added Compassion to Ownership. And Maya rebalanced her dominant drives for Connection and Compassion with more attention for Vision and Ownership. 

My question for you this week is: What drive will make you a more whole leader? What changes do you need to make to balance the four drives in your life and leadership?

The challenge of making changes happen to balance the drives shows up prominently in our leadership coaching work, both in our one-to-one executive coaching programs and in our team and group coaching in the Grow3Leaders community. Please let us know how we can help you rebalance your life to become a whole leader.