INsight/ Conversations You Avoid

Manila, 7 May 2025 — What leadership conversations are you avoiding, and how will you overcome your resistance?

Story

It happened this week. In our community of leaders, we are researching the kinds of 1:1 conversations we avoid having with our colleagues. It turns out that this is a sensitive topic to many of us, and we agreed to give it our attention.

In our leadership development work, we often remind ourselves that leadership happens in relationships and conversations. We can see and feel that this is important. And yet, with all the time we spend looking at our phones and other screens, most of us end up having fewer quality 1:1 conversations. That is a big concern. 

Research shows that this happens for a variety of reasons, including our sense of busyness, fear of emotional discomfort, uncertainty about what to say, perfectionism in preparation, fear of conflict, underestimating the value of 1:1s, a lack of role models, and, simply, because of a lack of practice.

Challenge

Among the 1:1 conversations we avoid most often, giving constructive feedback (without crushing morale) seems to top the list, followed by the ‘difficult’ conversations to address underperformance, letting someone go, navigating conflict, setting boundaries, saying No, asking for help, and negotiating support.

What makes these conversations so challenging is that they often involve emotions (fear, resistance, disappointment), power dynamics (challenging the status quo), uncertainty (not knowing the outcome), identity (challenging our self-image or group culture), and moral courage (standing for what’s right rather than what’s popular). What other resistance have you noted?

When asked about the kinds of 1:1 conversations that will boost our leadership the most, the leaders we consulted mentioned looking forward to having conversations for visioning, collaborating, innovating, sharing constructive feedback, and to conversations they experience as transformative. Practicing to initiate these conversations might help leaders to engage in valuable 1:1 conversations more frequently, including the ‘difficult’ conversations.

Question

Here are two leadership questions for you this week: What leadership conversations are you avoiding, and how will you overcome your resistance to starting them? Please share your responses. We look forward to hearing from you.

Meanwhile, in Grow3Leaders, our community of practice, we have started preparing a new challenge to help leaders create impactful 1:1 leadership conversations more frequently with their colleagues, clients, and partners. Are you interested?

Let’s remind ourselves that leadership happens in relationships and conversations. Together, we can engage in practices that help us overcome the resistance that holds us back from starting powerful 1:1 conversations where we can show our leadership.