INsight/ The Damage Done

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Manila, 22 February 2024 — How your words can diminish someone for life. 

“What damage are your words doing?”

Story 

It happened this month. After being coached to step into a leadership role for the first time, the leader confessed that he hadn’t done so earlier because of a limiting belief that he had held since his youth, when someone had told him that he didn’t have a good voice for public speaking. The diminishing impact of this remark had been severe and long-lasting. It had lived on in his mind for decades, causing damage to his self-confidence.

Last week, another leader challenged herself in a leadership role that involved public speaking. She did very well, and we thought that she came across as a natural. However, during a feedback session, she still didn’t believe in herself. Why? Again, the damage was done a long time ago by what someone else had said to her. She needed more time to overcome that.

In my coaching experience, I have come across many such cases. As humans, we are vulnerable to what other people tell us, especially during our youth. We all struggle with limiting beliefs and impostor syndrome when we are, in fact, ready to step up and take on leadership challenges. 

Challenge

The perspective we take in this story is about what you can do to avoid, or minimize, the chance that this happens to others because of what you say to them. To watch your language and become mindful of the words that come out of your mouth. The way you speak to others will determine whether you act, and come across, as a Multiplier or as a Diminisher. 

For leaders, the choice between these two should be clear. However, to become known as a Multiplier who empowers others, and to avoid coming across as a Diminisher who causes damage to people’s self-esteem, is easier said than done. What you say can inflict long-lasting damage on someone close to you, like a member of your team, a sibling, or a loved one. 

Diminishing others with your words can happen at any moment, especially when you give criticism, advice, or feedback. Even when the diminishing happens unintentionally, the damage can be done. Becoming known as a diminisher also diminishes yourself. Everyone suffers, and it’s a tragedy to be avoided.

Question

As a leader, you want to power up with positivity, embrace a growth mindset for yourself and the people around you, and guard the words coming out of your mouth with mindfulness. We already have enough challenges in our world. Make sure you become known as a multiplier who enables others to act, instead of as a diminisher who feeds their limiting beliefs.

How to start practicing? By reflecting on my question for you this week. What damage are your words doing to others, now or in the past? Who have you diminished with your words?

If you and your team would like to become transformational leaders who are respected and sought after as multipliers rather than diminishers, there is work to do. We can together examine your language and how you can tap the power of positivity in your leadership behaviors. Set up a free strategy call if you want to discover how.