INsight/ Challenge of Conversations

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.

Manila, 16 March 2022 — Conversations can bring out the best and worst in us.

Story

It happened this week. I listened to three conversations and observed how they showed a range from best to worst performance in leadership. Preparing and conducting a quality conversation is not as easy as you might think. Yet it is a foundational skill for leaders, and it is, therefore, a topic that we revisit regularly in these weekly leadership insights. Let’s dive into it.

The best performance was given by a group of more than eighty Climate Reality Leaders in the Philippines who explored in a webinar how to combat fake news and climate disinformation. After introducing expected standards of behavior to make it a productive conversation, the moderators, presenters, and participants asked open questions, listened actively, shared valuable experiences, probed new perspectives, worked on making sense of complexity, and offered helpful takeaways. In the end, I had a sense that everyone came away feeling enriched. 

The medium performance was a sit-down interview with a prime minister who had just concluded a European Council meeting about the invasion of Ukraine. While the prime minister excelled in his answers, both in content and in the way he spoke, the interviewer did not reach that level of performance, giving the impression that he had his own agenda and had something that he wanted to prove. Finally, the worst performance came when a Russian ambassador was interviewed by a journalist who forgot all standards of her profession, and of civility, and thought she could get away with a rude assault of mudslinging to prove her points. The ambassador, as could be expected, stayed calm and composed. If that encounter was meant to be a quality conversation, what happened was a disaster.

Challenge

As leaders, we can learn valuable lessons whenever we have a chance to observe how conversations are held. Reflecting on these experiences can help us recognize how we can create better conversations and help others do the same. We know that setting up and having quality conversations is a key for success in our work to influence people for positive change. With that said, why is having a quality conversation often so difficult?

Well, in my experience, it is difficult because, first of all, people are different and situations are unique, and this requires us to master a good number of skills and effective leadership behaviors to make each conversation work well. I already hinted at some of them in the first story. They include active listening, asking questions, and exploring new perspectives. For effective leadership, you also need to know how to connect with and speak the language of your audience. Easier said than done, especially at times when you are either feeling full of yourself and your own good ideas, or when you get triggered by the other party’s ideas and arguments that are different from yours. 

Going further, there are more leadership behaviors to learn that go beyond the ones I already mentioned, such as how to go about engaging with people to build trust during a conversation, and how to show up in a conversation as a multiplier rather than a diminisher. Also, I’m reminded of the challenge that, in a one-to-one conversation, there can actually be six people in the room rather than two. Does that surprise you? In an earlier insight, we looked at how to turn these six people into two in order to make it possible to have a quality conversation. As you can see, there is lots to learn and practice when it comes to having good conversations.

Question

As leaders, we know that leadership happens in conversations, both one-to-one and collectively in teams and groups. However, with all our technologies and online media at our disposal today, it’s easy to get distracted and forget that when it comes to effective leadership, nothing beats having quality conversations with people. And that includes, importantly, having regular one-to-one calls with the people who matter most to you in your work.

This challenge comes up frequently in my leadership coaching with clients, where moving forward in their leadership transition often involves overcoming resistance to having one-to-one conversations with specific people they have been avoiding. Sometimes these are called difficult conversations, however, in practice, they are just more conversations you can prepare for. We found the same in the Grow3Leaders Challenge — where leaders practice influencing a positive change together in their workplace — that nothing beats having good quality one-to-one conversations to get better results. 

This week, therefore, my question to you is about the quality conversations you are having, or could be having, starting this week. Now that you have read this far, probably the name of one or more persons has already come up in your mind. People you want to have a better conversation with, or even a first conversation. Who will you call or visit to have a quality conversation with this week, and how will you make it happen? In the spirit of Transformation First, I suggest you don’t wait for the other side but take the initiative. Make an effort to meet them ‘on their turf.’ Go with an open mind, and remember to practice as many leadership behaviors as you can hold in your conscious awareness while you’re at it. If you want to learn and practice how to do this with a leadership coach, then set up a Free Strategy Call with me here. You won’t regret your decision.